A Relationship Story - An Answer to the "Mystery of Connecting"

March 2006

A Relationship Story
An Answer to the "Mystery of Connecting"

I’ve always wondered what the key was to why I connect personally with some people and not with others (besides the obvious - that many people are kind enough to humor me!). Is it "opposites attract", or is it common interests, or something weird that I don’t understand like biorhythms? And then I learned a lot about natural themes of strength in different people, and this helped me understand how combining diverse talents makes an organization strong, but it didn’t help explain the difference in connecting on a person-to-person basis.

"The Likeability Factor" by Tim Sanders (a big author/thinker for me – he also wrote another favorite about networking and relationships called "Love Is The Killer App") offers insights that help with this big unanswered question.

Have you ever noticed how a person can be extremely pleasant, but they just seem invisible? They might struggle with RELEVANCE - nobody seems to pay attention to them.

Ever know somebody who is pleasant and friendly but who always seems to be on a different page than everyone else? Maybe their problem is they lack EMPATHY – they can’t read what’s going on inside others.

Or how about the person who is bright, cheerful, empathetic, and highly relevant, but who feels they need to please others too much? They might have trouble with REALNESS – they may not be comfortable enough with themselves to be transparent and authentic.

And then, of course, you have your basic jerk that just seems incapable of FRIENDLINESS – they may understand what to say, may behave authentically, and may really read others well, but they just don’t seem to care how other people feel.

Each of these scenarios highlights one of the four factors that Sanders believes make up our Likeability – Friendliness, Relevance, Empathy, and Realness. Now I get it! I can see more clearly the differences between people, and can understand the success or struggle in my own individual connections and relationships. Sadly (but maybe not really), I also understand my own flaws in achieving Likeability and being consistent. My grumpiness and intensity is not all that friendly, my love for hearing myself talk is often not very relevant, and I continue to try to overcome a life as "authenticity challenged"…ouch, but the insight is so valuable.

Take a look around you – and take a look at yourself – and see if you may be able to understand a bit better why some connections seem to work better than others. Even it it’s a bit painful, or if it borders on being too analytical for your liking, at least it offers a re-calibration for us on a more damaging trait – Cluelessness! Might be worth spending a brain cell or two on.

My best to each of you, and I welcome your thoughts and comments.

Book Recommendation: The Likeability Factor by Tim Sanders

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Principal Consultant
McDermott & Bull Executive
black@mbsearch.net

A Relationship Story - Becoming Untouchable in a Flattening World

The big picture is, of course, interesting and instructive. However, I love it when a really cool nugget of insight provides a practical way for us to take action that might actually help!

February 2006

A Relationship Story

Becoming Untouchable in a Flattening World

Things are changing in our business world in recent years. Did you notice? If not, you’re head is buried very deep. We all need to be aware of the realities of globalization. Thomas Friedman’s book "The World Is Flat" is a great description of the changes that are upon us from beginnings in the mid-80’s, as well as the direction we are heading. There are some chilling observations about how our current behavior will affect our future. Approached from a realistic (and not really political) perspective, the book makes it clear there is no turning back. My daughter just visited China as part of her Semester at Sea trip around the world (how cool is that!), and these changes were very clear even from her youthful perspective, saying "Dad, you had better invest in China!"

The book also talked about ways we can and must take this challenge on. The message was not about impending doom at all. A key point is made about the many things we do in America better than anyone else, but reminds us we must stay vigilant about maintaining these advantages. From an individual standpoint – both for companies and for each of us – we must focus all our efforts on making ourselves Untouchable. We must take action to protect ourselves and become "outsource-proof." This is not a challenge for the faint-of-heart, the unrealistic, or the change-averse.

First, we have to suck it up and prepare for a battle. I’m sorry to break it to you, but we have to compete. No free lunch, no entitlements – unless our choices and actions make it possible.

Second, we have to see ourselves for what we really are, what we are really good at. If "You can’t handle the truth" (see "A Few Good Men"), then you will not recognize where you are really competitive, and you’ll find yourself coming up short all the time.

Finally, we have to pick the right road and stay on it. To quote Ray Baird of the B2B marketing strategy agency RiechesBaird, "the tighter the focus, the stronger the brand." Our objective must be to become a magnet by creating demand for what we offer. We must recognize that we are much more likely to succeed by leveraging our greatest strengths, and we simply must release the peripheral pipe dreams. Trying to be all things to all people is a recipe for failure.

So the best way for us to make the changing world an opportunity and not a threat is to start inside ourselves and our companies, and become Untouchable. Using your true natural tools is the only path to greatness, and greatness is the only path to creating demand for your company, for your products, or for yourself.

I welcome your comments and ideas, and I thank you for your interest.

Book Recommendation: The World Is Flat by Thomas Friedman

Link: http://www.riechesbaird.com/

A Relationship Story - Honesty and Success – Poll Results

December 2005

A Relationship Story
Honesty and Success – Poll Results

Thanks friends for taking time to offer your thoughts. I received 100+ responses, and I definitely consider that a representative sample of our community and a real reflection of our version of "Conventional Wisdom". As a reminder, the question was:

On a 0% - 100% scale, from dishonest (0%) to honest (100%), what is the average % for successful people? (If you missed the November story that posed the question, just email me and I'll send it).

Now I knew this had the potential to be a trick question, and a lot of people commented on the lack of clarity. But that’s really part of the learning process here, as you’ll see. I did not know what nugget of wisdom was going to come from this exercise when I asked the question, but I just knew it would be very interesting, and sure enough it was.

The first reassuring result was that 92% of the answers were above 50%, and 70% were at 75% or above. So we know that the vast majority have a positive view of the correlation between honesty and success. Whew, our hopes for society are not lost! But then it got interesting.

After reviewing the results and the comments, I discovered the "trick" in the question, and that is what I found most intriguing. "Success" had not been defined, so it was left up to everyone’s interpretation, thus giving us a glimpse into the prevailing Conventional Wisdom about people’s perception of success. Some mentioned that their answer would differ based on the definition of success, for instance, the number would be lower if only considering financial success. This is not a surprise to anyone, I’m sure.

However, what I found most compelling was that 10% of the respondents unequivocally answered 100% to the question. Their definition of success required that a person must be honest. Any level of dishonesty was a disqualifier. Now forgive me if you think I was being tricky, but I didn’t plan this or know what would come from it (I'm clearly not that smart). I did, however, find that this single aspect of the data taught me more than anything else.

It means is that our Conventional Wisdom, at a 90% rate, accepts some level of dishonesty in the definition of success. In our Machiavellian world, I expect that is also not too much of a surprise, and in fact I’m afraid my own answer was similarly affected by convention. However, the message that I take away is that there is a higher standard that can be applied when viewing others (and ourselves), and it differs from the Conventional Wisdom of our times. I ask you, what’s wrong with us joining the 10% who just don’t accept dishonesty?

I hope you’ll all accept these thoughts as my gift for the holiday season. I hope it can become part of your New Year’s resolutions, as I plan for it to be part of my own.

In the words of Epictetus, the ancient stoic philosopher who is the ultimate anti-Machiavellian: "The only prosperous life is the virtuous life". Words to live by. I welcome your thoughts and comments. Thanks!

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to all.

Book Recommendation: The Art of Living by Epictetus

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Principal Consultant
McDermott & Bull Executive Search
black@mbsearch.net

A Relationship Story - The Freakonomics of The Conventional Wisdom

November 2005

A Relationship Story
The Freakonomics of The Conventional Wisdom

Things are not always what they seem, and it takes a clear view of reality (and the data to support it) to get our perceptions out of our way. Here’s an example. I think we all share a perception that drug dealers are all driving cool cars and rolling in dough…so why do nearly all of them still live with their Mothers? In Freakonomics - a book by a self-admitted "rogue economist" about how prevailing incentives make things what they really are – the real world of the drug dealer is described based on exhaustive research. The stark reality is that it’s a classic pyramid, where for every one person with a cool car, there is a giant pyramid of foot soldiers who are effectively enslaved at far below poverty wage. The author contends that based on their own perceptions, getting to be the boss is the only "success" they can hope for, and there is nothing that protects them from being exploited.

While this book addresses some very controversial issues - and I’m not endorsing all the assertions it contains - I am endorsing the idea that we need to look beyond the perceived "obvious" to seek the truth. I think our world encourages us to believe in conventional wisdom, and also that somebody’s incentives are being realized by getting us to believe. It’s sort of a Question Authority thing for me, and it bugs me.

A perfect conventional wisdom example is something I come across all the time…what is most important for people in getting the best reception from potential employers (I also believe this is true for all relationships). The conventional wisdom tells people they need to morph into what the market is looking for. I don’t buy that. If they try to morph, they’re going to be half-baked, and they won’t fool anybody. This isn’t science fiction, it’s people, and people just don’t "transform" themselves very well. Face it, people are what they are, and they’re always more effective just being themselves and leveraging their natural strengths. What I tell people is that they need to find ways to get people excited about what they really are - and then let the network give them leverage - instead of trying extra hard to be a square peg for a round hole.

Another conventional wisdom old standby is that you can’t trust others or you’ll get screwed. I hate that one, although I’m no fool and I know some people have gone to the dark side…I just prefer to try to keep them out of my life.

So ok, let’s try and experiment. Let’s assess the conventional wisdom within our own little community as it relates to honesty. Just press reply and send me your quick answer to this very simple question:

On a 0% - 100% scale, from dishonest (0%) to honest (100%), what is the average % for successful people? Don’t think too hard, just press reply with one number between 0% and 100%. I’ll compile the data (confidentiality is assured) and share it with you all in an upcoming story.

Book Recommendation: Freakonomics by Stephen Levitt and Stephen Dubner

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Principal Consultant
McDermott & Bull Executive Search
black@mbsearch.net

A Relationship Story - A Tale of Two Companies…and the Big Difference

October 2005

A Relationship Story
A Tale of Two Companies…and the Big Difference

It was the best of companies, it was the worst of companies…and the difference was very clear.
It’s fascinating to see how different the cultures and priorities can be in different (yet equally successful) companies. With success measured much more in the short term by our fast-paced world, making the numbers is what usually defines a good company. It is my belief that there are two clearly different ways that companies go about achieving similar short-term success, and I believe the "big difference" has deeply significant impacts on long-term success.

Two companies side by side along the highway, Brand X and Brand Y. Both are characterized by corporate achievement and success at making their numbers. Both are short-term successes.
Brand X and Y share some key characteristics:

• They only want smart people
• They live by metrics
• They are process focused
• They are customer centered
• They value strong product brands
• They run lean and smart

However, there are critical differences:

Brand X identifies first with intensity and outcome-focus.
Brand Y identifies first with fairness and alignment-focus.

Brand X tends to be secretive and selective in communicating.
Brand Y insists on being open and candid in communicating.

Oh no, here this Jeff Black guy goes again stating the obvious. Of course it’s better to be fair and open. But wait! The Brand X mentality really happens! Some companies pay lip service to fairness and openness, but what really matters is action and behavior, not policy and slogans. I see it all the time. It’s amazing how different cultures can be – and how differently people feel about being in them.

Brand X believes that only intensity will drive the desired outcome. Brand Y believes fairness (I didn’t say wimpiness) and alignment of needs between the company and employees make greatness flow naturally – creativity and ingenuity are not bottled up by the need to look over your shoulder all the time.

Brand X behaves as if people don’t need to really know what’s going on – believing knowledge is power, and leaders need to retain power. Brand Y has a strong enough center and self-image as a company that it wants everyone to part of the knowledge process.
Now come on, tell me you haven’t seen Brand X in practice. You can try to deny that it’s bad, but I don’t buy it.

The center of company greatness is not smart people – they’re a given; it’s not efficiency – good tools make that happen; it’s not innovation – smart people innovate. The center of company greatness is mutual respect between a company and it’s people.

The result for people in Brand Y companies:

• Less worry, more confidence
• More passion and less aimlessness
• More loyalty and positive energy
• Better retention, no "reasons to leave"

For Companies - The big differences of the "big difference":

• Easier to attract talent – believe me, it’s hard to "sell" a bad company.
• Getting the best out of people – people perform better when they’re confident, not scared.
• Increased company reputation – as Vance Caesar says "the key to a person’s success is how many influential people are telling stories about their ability to build relationships of trust." I believe this is also true for companies.

I have great clients who really believe and behave like Brand Y. I really love working with them…and I think they really get the best out of me as a partner. I welcome opportunities to work with more like them. Please let me know if your company is one, or if you know one you would like for me to know.

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Principal Consultant
McDermott & Bull Executive Search
black@mbsearch.net