A Relationship Story - If Van Morrison Only Knew...

I have a family of Brown Eyed Girls, and that song has always been a big favorite among the four of us. We used to listen to it driving around with our daughters when they were little. You might have a similar experience with songs that matter a lot to you.

Recently, the four of us attended a wonderful event together – a wedding in the family of our younger daughter’s long-time boyfriend. We were sitting with our older daughter and her boyfriend and enjoying a nice time. Then the DJ played Brown Eyed Girl. Immediately, I was transported back 20 years and could hear them both singing along in the back seat.

I sprang into action. I just knew that we had to have a “family moment” as this special song was playing, so my hand shot up to flag down our younger daughter to come over and join us. I waved and I waved but to no avail. She didn’t see me. Then I realized something really important.

She didn’t see me because she was playing a valuable role that day. Her boyfriend’s family was really busy and needed another pair of hands and she knew she could be helpful. It seems she naturally was.

At that moment, I had to let go, just a little, of one of my Brown Eyed Girls. She wasn’t the little girl in the back seat anymore; she was the adult, doing exactly what was needed at the moment. Being a parent is tough sometimes, but I guess we have to let them go to be what they are destined to be.

Now, I suppose, Van the Man might not be quite as sentimental about this experience as I seem to be. He probably isn’t really conscious of some knucklehead and his family in Southern California who love his 40 year old song. He may not care, but he might be surprised that what he “said” with this song is still sticking with people so many years later.

It makes me think about how each of us really never know what impact we have on others. Obviously, the big things always matter, but it seems that even the smallest interactions with others might be significant – and we really can’t know what will be. While I know that I mess up all the time, I’m trying more and more to remember that what I say, how I treat people, and what “comes naturally” to me could possibly have a big effect on others. We really can’t know for sure.

I’m sure each of us has stories to tell about how little things have mattered a lot. Have you ever recalled something that was significant in your own memory, but when you mentioned it to someone else who was also there, they don’t recall it at all? We really don’t know what will matter, do we? Here’s to keeping in mind that how we choose to behave makes a difference in the lives of others, and even the small stuff matters.

Thanks for sharing time with me; as always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback and please feel free to pass this message along to others who may find value.

Quick Business Update: I’m excited to announce that Zena Peltier (peltier@mbsearch.net) has joined my practice as Associate Consultant. Having come off a very strong 2011 we want to be prepared for increasing client needs in 2012 as the labor market for high-impact talent is clearly tightening. We stand ready to help.

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Partner, McDermott & Bull Executive Search
Cell: (714) 356-1949 Office: (949) 753-1700 ext. 310
2 Venture, Suite 100 Irvine, CA 92618
black@mbsearch.net http://www.mbsearch.net/ http://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffblackmcdermottbull http://www.jeffblackmcdermottbull.blogspot.com/

A Relationship Story - The Consensus Experience

I admit it, I’ve lived my life from a highly individualistic perspective. That’s how my family worked, and I know it’s pretty normal in the American culture. That’s a good thing, of course, but what surprises me is that I’m just now realizing how different this makes Americans from much of the world…and also why that matters so much.

Earlier this year I was in a seminar led by a truly expert voice on ethics and leadership, Father Robert Spitzer, and I asked him why the same choice can be considered ethical by one person and unethical by another. His answer helped me learn, for the first time, that half the world approaches life from a collectivist perspective (including most Asian cultures) – decisions are always first considered through the lens of “what’s good for the group” as opposed to the individual-rules viewpoint.

So, a choice can be considered right by one person based on the best interest of the group, while that same choice can be unfathomable through the individualistic lens. Think for a minute how this can affect relationships in our lives – such fundamentally different perspectives can create a lot of confusion and conflict. In The Art of Choosing by Sheena Iyengar, a fascinating book about the science of choice, these differing cultural perspectives were confirmed as a key distinction in how people make choices. Perhaps this helps to explain one source of clashing cultures in our world.

This is so simple, but how did I get into my 50’s before I learned anything about this? I must have missed that session of Sociology class. Is it just me? Does everybody else already realize this? When I mentioned it to one of my wisest friends, also in his 50’s, he said he had just recently been exposed to this idea himself for the first time. What a relief! I’m not alone.

Then it struck me how a great experience of mine over the past 5+ years has been teaching me this insight all along…and I didn’t even realize it. I have been a volunteer with The Ethical Edge serving on the selection committee for the Leaders of Integrity Awards presented annually for excellence in ethical leadership (these awards were just presented on November 1st). The committee process represented a glimpse at the intersection between the individualistic and collectivist perspectives.

Each of the dozen committee members started as advocates for their own nominees and passionately told the story of extraordinarily ethical people. Then an amazing thing happened. The individual advocacy ended and the group entered a new world – reaching consensus. This may sound easy, but having done this now with 5 or 6 different groups of committee members, I find that my own amazement at the consensus experience has been shared by most every first-time committee participant. Releasing our own passionate advocacy position is harder than we may think. However, when a group commits to a common goal, it can get beyond self interest and really think as one mind.

Until now I never understood why this experience was so unique. Learning what reaching a true consensus feels like – a group decision that strives for a goal larger than each individual, a “greater good” thing – was an epiphany for me because it was a glimpse into the collectivist culture that was previously unknown to me. In the largely Machiavellian and competitive world where we live, this was a truly breakthrough experience.

I find it is enriching to take a break from my naturally individualistic mindset and see how the other half lives (thinks, actually). I believe that many relationships in my life can be better because of this understanding. Perhaps you might want to give it a try for yourself - whether your natural frame of reference is individualistic or collectivist – try to understand the other half of the world. Your relationships might also be better for the effort.

Thanks for sharing time with me; as always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback and please feel free to pass this message along to others who may find value.

References:

The Ethical Edge http://www.ethicaledge.org/
The Art of Choosing – Sheena Iyengar http://sheenaiyengar.com/the-art-of-choosing/ TED Video: http://www.ted.com/talks/sheena_iyengar_on_the_art_of_choosing.html

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Partner, McDermott & Bull Executive Search
Cell: (714) 356-1949 Office: (949) 529-2672
2 Venture, Suite 100 Irvine, CA 92618
black@mbsearch.net www.mbsearch.net http://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffblackmcdermottbull http://www.jeffblackmcdermottbull.blogspot.com/

A Relationship Story - The Source of Rewards

Challenge

On a mountaintop, way up there, something waits. It’s too far and too foggy to see. What is it? What is it waiting for?

The trees change as you climb. Elevation is a funny thing, what with the thinning air, the huffing and the puffing, the natural selection. Yeah, elevation, and the climb itself, are funny things.

There are signs along the way. Some provide directions, some warn of challenges, some just offer encouragement. Imagine the climb with no signs, or worse yet, with signs that lie.

Coming down past us is what seems to be a constant stream of attempts. They are dressed in different ways and they have different attitudes, and they just keep on coming. How should that make us feel?

Isn’t it annoying when you want to keep moving, the clock is ticking, the daylight deadline approaches, but you find you have a rock in your boot and you just have to stop? It’s not enough dealing with the hilarious climb, the signs of dubious character, and the ticking of the bomb, but then you get to struggle with something that matters so little but can’t be ignored!

But even though the climb seems impossible, the fog is finally clear, and the goal is finally in sight. Who could have known that on that mountaintop was nothing but an excellent view above the clouds?


I wrote that poem in 1999 while I was trying to decide on my future – I didn’t leave my life as a corporate leader until 2002. I have thought about this poem many times over the years.

It pleases me to look back and realize that, even then, I was able to understand that the journey is life. Even when it’s annoying, the journey is life.

Life is not rewards – it’s not what society tells us we’ll find on the mountaintop.

I see happy people in my life who are focused on living the journey, and living every relationship along the way. I guess it’s no surprise that many of them seem to also receive rewards of many kinds.

In recent years I have found that the view above the clouds, as well as the exercise of the climb, are really good things. I realize that it’s all just a part of the journey. Perhaps it can be even better if I can share a smile, or better yet a helping hand for the folks going by me every day. Now that is an inspiring idea!

A very close friend of mine has had a huge loss to deal with recently – it makes me realize how good I have it. I see that friend handling this with such extraordinary grace and peacefulness – thereby inspiring and reassuring everyone touched by the truly generous way this friend is choosing to live. I’d like to suggest that this is the kind of “helping hand” I hope to offer. If my truly generous friend can do it while recovering from a great loss, then I know I can do it.

Perhaps we all can. Generously helping others may be the greatest source of rewards we’ll ever find. Happy helping to you all.

Thanks for sharing time with me; as always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback and please feel free to pass this message along to others who may find value.

A Quick Business Update – Growing business confidence is clearly reflected in our firm being very busy right now. I am personally very pleased with the successful completions over the past few weeks of the 4 great search projects listed just below. I’d welcome the opportunity to help you or companies you know with key leadership additions.

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Partner, McDermott & Bull Executive Search
Cell: (714) 356-1949 Office: (949) 753-1700 ext. 310
2 Venture, Suite 100 Irvine, CA 92618
black@mbsearch.net http://www.mbsearch.net/ http://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffblackmcdermottbull http://www.jeffblackmcdermottbull.blogspot.com/

A Relationship Story - The Geek's Secret

Are you inspired or are you bored? What makes the difference?

I remember when my kids were growing up around their nut of a Father and I’d say “It doesn’t matter if you are passionate about the things I am…just make sure you are passionate about things!” Not having cool things to be fascinated with seems like a path to being bored; unfortunately, this might also mean “boring”, and it’s hard to get ahead that way. Some great geek examples include:

- My friend who is reading all the Pulitzer Prize winning novels…
- Traveling with my buddies to Miami & Atlanta to visit two more Major League ballparks (my 35th and 36th), to Daytona Beach where Jackie Robinson first played as a pro, and to Birmingham for a game at the oldest ballpark in the country where my Dad sold concessions in the 1930’s…
- My friend who has painstakingly catalogued forty years of amateur music “jam” recordings he has made with his best friends…
- The OC non-profit youth theater Producer sitting in the audience to see her former prodigy student starring in Wicked on Broadway…
-Spending six hours with three other geeks listening intently to each of our carefully selected rock/pop/R&B/jazz/folk songs from the 60’s and 70’s – and discussing and/or laughing about each one…
-My history-teacher daughter who zooms off to Washington D.C. on her Spring Break because she “needs” to see all the American history sights…

Not all necessarily important…but also not boring. I’m sure you have your own examples.

However, this concept applies to business as well. A favorite client of mine, Panda Restaurant Group, puts a ton of importance on curiosity and lifelong learning as critical characteristics for people on their team. I believe this fascination with new ideas and insights is closely aligned with people’s tendency to be passionate and fanatical about their interests. The concept of “can’t get enough” is what comes to my mind in both cases.

Another way that our passions can really matter is reflected in the “real” contributions of many successful people by volunteering with non-profit and charitable causes. It’s easy to write a check, but sharing your time and insight with a cause calls for true passion.

I feel fortunate, through my roles on the Board of Directors of the YMCA of Orange County (http://www.ymcaoc.org/) and through my involvement with the Ethical Edge (http://www.ethicaledge.org/), to be around many inspired contributors who are professionally successful and also devote time and energy to making a difference. Both of these groups welcome new volunteers – just let me know if you’re interested.

The “passion effect” of being involved in a cause is powerful, but for me, the impact is even greater because of the shared energy of being around other passionate people. Try it if you don’t know what I mean.

Perhaps, like me, you’re among the lucky ones who are truly passionate about the work they do. Even if that’s not true for you here’s to each of us getting to spend time doing things we really love – we’ll surely be better at our day jobs when we also get to feed our passions. Do it for fun, and do it to make a difference too, and perhaps some of our “have-tos” can start to feel more like “get-tos”.
Thanks for sharing time with me; as always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback and please feel free to pass this message along to others who may find value.
Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Partner, McDermott & Bull Executive Search
Cell: (714) 356-1949 Office: (949) 753-1700 ext. 310
2 Venture, Suite 100 Irvine, CA 92618
black@mbsearch.net http://www.mbsearch.net/ http://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffblackmcdermottbull http://www.jeffblackmcdermottbull.blogspot.com/

Relationship Story - The Real Stuff

While listening to the radio recently I heard a press briefing by a U.S. Military Colonel leading troops in Afghanistan; it illuminated something really powerful about people like this Colonel – truly straightforward and unequivocal candor expressed by a leader whose decisions are significantly more serious than any I will ever make. He fields the toughtest of questions with a truthfulness and passion that allows me to almost see his steely-eyed gaze through the radio. He seems to know that everyone is best served by his ability to leave no doubts about his meaning or intent.

So, what does this truth and candor thing mean to our professional lives? After 20+ years as a corporate leader and the last 8 years as a retained search consultant, I’m amazed at how much I continue to learn about myself and about relationships. Looking back on my corporate life I doubt if I fully understood what real “truth and candor” meant. There often seemed to be a certain way of saying and doing things that didn’t always start with truth or candor – do you know what I mean?

During the past 8 years of great business relationships, over 100 successful search projects, and after growing up a little bit too, the real value of truly candid conversations with clients is becoming increasingly clear to me. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t suggest that it’s always easy. After all, this was not the way I was taught to see the business process earlier in my corporate life, so it is certainly not automatic.

One particular client relationship from my first year or two in search still sticks with me – I have never felt right about how the relationship turned out. After our initial success working together, a problem came up and the ideal solution wasn’t clear. I guess it’s inevitable that things don’t always go perfectly, but looking back now I know that the necessary relationship-ensuring conversation didn’t happen.

Research on customer service shows that clients are much more loyal when there has been a problem that has been solved than if there had never been a problem; I realize that I may have missed the opportunity to earn loyalty by turning that problem into a mutually agreeable solution.

Over the past few quarters, as my search practice has been expanding by serving new and existing clients, challenges still occasionally come up on search projects – again, that seems inevitable in complex and nuanced business situations (probably, I suppose, a lot like your own situations). However, during the past several years, those vital challenging conversations are an increasingly valued part of strong client relationships.

It is more clear than ever how powerful the right “truth and candor” consulting can really be for clients…even when it’s hard. Clients (and we all have them whether we are service providers or corporate leaders) may not expect things to be perfect – but they certainly should expect the tough conversation will happen when it matters most.

And, after all, isn’t the real stuff of a Colonel in Afghanistan something worth believing in, and couldn’t we gain some perspective from it for ourselves?Thanks for sharing time with me; as always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback and please feel free to pass this message along to others who may find value.

Sincerely,

Jeff Black
Partner, McDermott & Bull Executive Search
Cell: (714) 356-1949 Office: (949) 753-1700 ext. 310
2 Venture, Suite 100 Irvine, CA 92618